This week's post isn't for those studying for IELTS or the academic English learners. It's for... well, I don't know, because you'll probably never find these words in any standard coursebook or on any English learning site!
But, Native UK breaks the rules. We give you the unconventional material you might want—or definitely need—if you want to understand what's being said in the UK. That's why we previously gave you posts about expressions with tits and ass.
Today, we are going deeper. In fact, we are surprising ourselves with this one, as we have compiled 15 alternatives to say penis.
Now, why? I hear you thinking. Well, you might just want to understand what someone called you earlier, you might want to insult someone in the pub, or you might just need that word that isn't as formal as penis, but also not as rude as dick. Let's unzip our trousers and show you...
The 15 Alternatives Decoded 🔖
1. Dick
Meaning: The ultimate classic slang term. Perfect as a direct insult."Don't be such a dick, just share the remote." (Also, somehow the short name for Richard is Dick! Sorry, Richards of the world.)
2. Cock
Meaning: Very common, though generally considered cruder and more vulgar."He got hit straight in the cock during the football match."
3. Knob
Meaning: Extremely common in the UK, frequently used to mock or insult someone."Shut up, you complete knob!" (Usually spelled with a silent 'K').
4. Willy
Meaning: The classic childhood term. Very soft and used to avoid embarrassment."When I was a child, we used the term willy (or 'tackle') so we didn't have to say the rude words."
5. Wang / Dong
Meaning: Slightly comical, cartoonish words for the male organ."He ran out of the shower with his wang swinging about."
6. Pork sword
Meaning: A humorous, visual British slang term."He got his pork sword out in the bedroom."
7. Meat
Meaning: A visual and physical metaphor, most commonly used in a famous idiom."The classic phrase 'beat your meat' means to masturbate."
8. Salami
Meaning: Another food-related visual metaphor."Hide your salami, mate!"
9. John Thomas
Meaning: A classic, old-fashioned British slang term (popularized in DH Lawrence's novels)."He's very protective of his old John Thomas."
10. Todger
Meaning: Very British term. Often carries the humorous implication that it is on the smaller side."My todger was absolutely freezing in the snow." (Recently made famous worldwide in a royal memoir!)
11. Schlong
Meaning: Originally from Yiddish, widely understood in the English-speaking world."That actor is famous for having a massive schlong."
12. One-eyed milkman
Meaning: A highly comedic, rare slang phrase."I only heard this from one person and when I heard it I burst out laughing. It has forever stayed with me for its pure comedic value."
13. Pecker
Meaning: A slang word common in the US, but still used in the UK."Don't get your pecker caught in the zipper!" (Note: The British idiom 'keep your pecker up' actually means 'stay cheerful'!).
14. Prick
Meaning: Extremely common British insult for a disliked man, but also refers to the organ."He's a right prick, that one."
15. Wiener
Meaning: From Germany/Austria (referring to the long, thin Vienna sausages)."Adjust your pants, your wiener is showing."
Bonus Section: Extra Bits! 🍅
- Bell end: A classic British insult which actually refers to the shiny, bell-shaped part of your cock (the glans).
- Scrot: A mild insult derived from your scrotum. ("Get lost, you scrot!")
- Balls / bollocks / ball sack: The friendlier, everyday slang words for testicles.
Medical Note 🏥
The medical and academic name for your todger is a phallus (or phallic). It is important to know this just in case you ever have to go to the hospital and need to describe things professionally!
Quick Quiz: Test Your Knowledge! ðŸ§
Test your knowledge of these unconventional British terms. Select the correct options below!
1. Which slang term carries the humorous implication that it is on the smaller side?
2. What does 'bell end' refer to?
3. In the British idiom "keep your pecker up," what does 'pecker' refer to?
Final Thoughts 💭
British slang can be highly unconventional, and learning these terms helps you navigate casual humor, television shows, and conversations without getting caught off guard.
Want to perfect your spoken English and master the local expressions? Book a personalized 1-on-1 English lesson today!